ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
