Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
