I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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