I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
