we're blogging at a bar
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
