I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
