Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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