Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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