note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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