not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
