And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
please don't ironically join a cult
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