I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
