just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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