please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
