Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
