Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
