This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
