Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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