he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
