yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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