my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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