My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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