he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
A+ Viking dick
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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