i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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