Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
