Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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