i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
