Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
