Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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