Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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