i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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