carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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