you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
