I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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