How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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