Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
