Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
