I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
