When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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