I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
