and i looked up. we had an audience...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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