I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my phone needs a breathalizer
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
