There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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