I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How does it feel to date your dad?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
