btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
