Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
