Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
