just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
