Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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