I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
where are my eyebrows?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
