yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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