ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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