im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
