Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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