If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize