I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
