maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
