i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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