I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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