I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
