Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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