pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it glows. i had to have it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
