My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
