He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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