ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
