I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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