even my farts smell like vagina
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
