She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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