Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
