The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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