party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
