its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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