I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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