WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
