I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
